What is Grief?

Grief is the loss of a person or something important is what causes feelings of grief. Grief is the emotional sadness from inside you that comes from this loss. Bereavement (b-ree-ment) is how you react to your loss over time. This natural process of loss is very personal. No one experiences it in exactly the same way. So, you cannot measure how long it will take to you get over grief. It may take days, months, or years.

*Mourning is the way you express your loss. Often it is connected to your culture or religion. The way you mourn may also be a tradition in your family. For example, you might cover up all the dead persons’ pictures at home with black cloths (shrouds) for a time. Sometimes people wear black arm bands or clothes if someone dies. If you have lost an arm or a leg, you may stop watching or attending any sports events.

Causes: Grief happens when you lose something or someone important. A death of a friend, a family member or pets can cause grief. Changes in your body such as loosing arm or a leg can also cause it. Unexpected or unplanned events can cause feelings of loss and grief. For example, a fire or a flood can cause strong feelings of grief and loss. When an event like this happens, you loose pictures, clothing and personal things. Those objects are important to you. The loss causes grief and pain because you may not be able to replace the objects.

Signs and Symptoms: There are many symptoms of grief. It is a very strong emotion. Grief can affect many parts of your life. You may experience some of these, all or none of them. There is also no exact time when these symptoms happen. They may start hours, days or months after a loss, or death.

*A "lump or tightness in your throat" when you think about your loss or when someone talks about it.

*Anxiety. Anxiety is a strong feeling of stress, fear, and danger mixed together.

*Crying at things that do not seem normal to cry about.

*Depression. Depression (d-preh-shun) is a type of mood disorder. A mood is an emotion or a feeling. Moods affect how we act (our behavior). Your mood also affects how you feel about yourself and life in general. Depression is a sad, unhappy mood you cannot control.

*Difficulty talking about your loss.

*Feeling like you cannot breathe and need to "get some fresh air" or leave the room.

*Having trouble making decisions.

*Loss of appetite.

*Moods seem to change quickly.

*No energy to do your normal, daily activities such as cooking or cleaning.

*Strong anger, guilt and denial. Denial is not believing in what has happened.

*Talking about your loss over and over again.

*Trouble sleeping through the night or sleeping too much.

*Unable to pay attention to people and what they are saying.

*Your heart feels like it is beating very fast or your chest feels heavy.

*Sadness.

Care:

*Grief is a common experience. There are many things to think about. That is normal. It is very important to talk and tell people close to you how you feel. Talking to your caregivers is also important. They need to what you are feeling. Caregivers need to know how you and your family are doing.

*If you ignore grief, it may lead to serious problems with your health. Caregivers can help you and your family with support and services during these hard times. The following are some good ways to help you deal with your grief.

*Allow yourself time to heal. Grief is not something you can rush. Live day to day and in the present.

*Ask family and friends for help.

*Cry when you need to.

*Face your pain. Find someone who you can talk to and share your feelings. Joining a support group may help.

*It’s OK to be angry about your loss.

*If you have setbacks, don’t panic. Be nice to yourself.

*Keep a diary or a journal. Try painting, singing or playing a musical instrument. Letting your feelings come out creatively is very helpful in working with grief.

*Learn as much as you can about your grief. Information will give you the power to begin the healing process.

*Sometimes, caregivers might suggest short-term medicines.

*Take care of yourself. Eat well and get plenty of sleep. Work with your caregivers to start an exercise program.

*Try to accept the loss.

*Your caregiver might suggest counseling services. Often, it helps to be with people who have the same kind of loss or are feeling things like you are. It is very important to tell caregivers about any symptoms that do not go away.

*Continued problems sleeping.

*Feelings that do not change at all after 6 months.

*If you have thoughts about killing yourself (suicide).

*Losing or gaining large amounts of weight.

*Hospice (haw-spiss) is a service that you and your family can use if you are experiencing grief over a death. Hospice is a group of people who have special knowledge about death and dying process. They offer grief and bereavement (b-ree-ment) programs that help you to deal with your sadness, depression and loneliness. The person does not have to die in a hospice for you or your family members to use the services. Hospices have meetings in public places at times most people can attend. They can even come to your own home to help you and your family. Ask your caregiver for he CareNotes^TM handout about hospice.

Coping:

*Accepting the loss and pain of the grief process is hard. You may feel angry, sad, or depressed. Anything can be a reminder of the loss and trigger these feelings. Events, anniversaries of special times, birthdays, holidays and the dates of death may also bring these emotions. This is very normal. How you respond to grief can depend on one or more of the following things.

*How is the loss related to you?

*Does it affect your body?

*Does it affect your home, family, or job?

*Was the loss sudden or did it occur slowly?

*Is it related to a death of someone you cared about?

*What other kinds of stress are in your life right now?

*What kind of support system do you have? (family, friends)

*How many other deaths or losses you have had in your life lately?

*Does it affect your religious beliefs?

*What are your cultural beliefs about grief and loss?

*You may go through the following stages when you are dealing with grief. You may experience some of them, have several at the same time, or skip around in order. Because everyone is different, there are many ways you may respond. All are normal.

*Shock and numbness. You do not want to believe that this is happening to you. Everything seems unreal. Here are some ways you may express grief during this stage.

*Anger.

*Crying.

*Confusion.

*Feeling like you are going crazy.

*Hiding away from people.

*Numbness.

*Restlessness.

*Screaming outbursts.

*Sluggishness.

*Trying not to think about what has happened.

*Yearning. You mourn your loss all the time. Anxiety, sleeplessness, not wanting to eat, and low energy are some of the many physical symptoms you have during this stage. Sometimes your actions may seem foolish or silly. Your moods change often.

*Disorganization and Dependence. This is a period of confusion. You may feel very out of control with your normal daily life. Your thoughts and thinking process are slowed. You may feel you often need help from other people. It may seem like you can no longer do things by yourself. Other people may think you have become bad-tempered or demanding.

*Reorganization. This is where you begin to understand your loss. You may search out more information on what happened and why. This will give you back some feelings of control. If you allow yourself to be open to all the feelings, frustrations and issues you may start to let go of your grief. You may begin to feel peace and calm. This is not giving up but it is accepting what has happened in your life. It takes time, but you can work through grief. Then, your life may begin seem interesting again and you will start to find hope in the future.

*Your family can help you with these stages by letting you experience them. They can offer support and understanding. Remember that this is very normal. Talk to your caregivers, your family, or your friends about your feelings. Call or write one of the following organizations for more information.

*National Hospice Organization 1901 North Moore Street, Suite 901 Arlington, VA 22209 Phone: 1-703-243-5900 Phone: 1-800-658-8898 Web Address: http://www.nho.org

*National Cancer Institute Cancer Information Service Suite 3036A Bethesda, MD 20892-8322 Phone: 1-800-422-6237 Web Address: http://www.nci.nih.gov

*American Association of Retired Persons National Headquarters American Association of Retired Persons 601 E Street, NW Washington, DC 20049 Phone: 1-800-424-3410 Web Address: http://www.aarp.org

CARE AGREEMENT:

You have the right to help plan your care. To help with this plan, you must learn about grief and loss. You can then discuss treatment options and services with your caregivers. Work with them to decide what care will be used to treat you. You always have the right to refuse treatment.

Record Number: A128107621

SOURCE:
CareNotes.  Sept 1, 2004 pNA.

Full Text: COPYRIGHT 2004 A Thomson Healthcare Company